Aha!  Did you like that play on words I did there?

Yeah, pretty lame, I’ll admit.

What else is lame is my first two (yes, two) attempts to make No-Knead Bread.  I faithfully waited the 18 hours suggested by Mark Bittman and when I poured the dough out on to the cutting board, what I got was … dough soup.  It was a gloopy mess and did not look like anything resembling a first rise of dough.  In fact, some of it wasn’t even dough, it was tan colored water.

So, naturally, I tried again and got the same results.  Since the recipe is always harping about how an 8 year old can do it … well, let’s just say I might not be smarter than a 5th grader.

And that makes me sad-face.  😦

I bought some new yeast and I’m hoping that fixes the issues, but I haven’t had the time to combine bread, water and yeast together and stir it all up.  All five minutes of it.

I know, I’m terrible.

On the topic of bread, does anyone use their KitchenAid mixer to knead bread?  And, more specifically, does anyone use an Artisan KitchenAid to knead bread?  I have a 5qt Pro Series and the other day (okay, like a month ago but I just randomly thought of it again) it was making some really funky grinding noises while kneading bread.  So then I started thinking about what a bummer it would be if it broke.  Mystand mixer has seen two coasts and was my first serious kitchen item, gifted to me by my parents (thanks, parents!) for my birthday one year.

True story, I was so scared of messing it up that it spent a year in my closet, in all its packaging and everything.  I only started using it because Amy found it when she was helping me pack up my apartment to move and threatened to take it with her as I obviously could not be trusted to use it for its actual purpose.  I started using it to make cookie dough, received the ice cream mixer attachment as a Christmas gift (thanks, Mormor!) the following year and the rest, as they say, is history.

To go back to my original thought, which is kneading dough in the Artisan series:  I get a little worried at the strange grinding noises that mine makes back at me and since it is a professional series, I wonder if the Artisan series could handle it.  I also noticed that the Artisan series bowl is smaller, as is the paddle, which does come in handy for smaller tasks (like whisking 3 egg whites for macarons).  Also!  It comes in lemon yellow!  And mustard yellow!  And peppery yellow!  And … well, I think you get the point here.  It comes in fabulous colors and the professional series seem to only come in boring colors, like white and black.

I feel like there might be a lesson here on substance over style.

But ignoring that for a second, how about a lot of questions instead?  If you have an Artisan series KA, do you knead bread in it?  And if so, how is it?  Does yours make weird grinding noises at you to the point that you worry about having to replace it?  Do you dread the day you DO have to replace it because it’s going to be $$?  Have you had luck with no-knead bread?  Can you figure out what I’m doing wrong?  Can you share what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it?